Doing it for nothing

We've all run across a certain type of person.

Someone who wants to connect, become best buddies, and do something with you for an undisclosed reason.

It's weird, it doesn't quite make sense in the moment, and you find yourself waiting for the catch.

Then it comes.

They want to sell you something, convince you of an opportunity, pull you into a a thing, get your attention, use your abilities, and otherwise make use of who you are for something they desire—all without caring about the you inside.

Some people do try to juggle both angles. Caring for you while selling you. But it falls flat.

If you've lived long enough, you've seen this in action, and it becomes easy to sniff out. There's just a gut vibe around the approach, the sudden interest, the person who didn't care at all before and now wants to pull you into their endeavors.

Few of us are immune to being the active participant in this engagement either. We try to connect with people because of what we think we'll get out of it. We're pulling them into our orbit, hoping they'll better our lives in some way.

These aren't real relationships.

I've been guilty of this in the past, and have tried my very best to cut this way of thinking out of my life.

People who spend time trying to win over others, only to spring the ask and extract value from the relationship, are missing out on the beauty of connecting with people purely for the sake of it.

Occasionally you find these people, who want to get to know you without demanding return on investment.

The irony, though, is that sometimes it's hard to tell at first glance whether someone is interested because they hope to get something from the relationship, or because they just like people.

You keep waiting for the reveal, the catch, the reason why they are being so nice.

Up until a point, you're never quite sure of the motivation.

Years ago I was struggling through a new job situation. I was somewhat getting the hang of things, but still felt out of my depth on a daily basis. I was doing my best with a role that was outside my skillset.

Then we hired another team member to come in. He essentially took over part of my role. At first I was worried. But then I realized I would be able to focus my energy on the area of my job I was better suited for.

Then this team member did something I never expected.

He led with kindness and support. He was interested in who I was, not because of what he could get from the relationship, but because he cared for people. He lifted me up each day, and convicted me that I could do the job. I became better for it.

Since then I've tried to pay it forward, to help others purely because they're human and they deserve it, not because I'm hoping to get something from it.

And the funny thing about all this? I genuinely believe opportunities come about as a result of kindness without expectation, connection without demand for recompense. Reaching out and helping people is a reward in and of itself.

And the people who use their time to extract? Sometimes there's nothing you can do about that. You may need to steer clear. But, just maybe, they are just looking for a friend and don't know how to ask.