Many of us want to help. It’s natural to look at someone struggling and see the obvious solution that they’re missing. 

Coming from a software background I often perceive ways that others could improve their workflow for using an application or navigating through a process. I want to jump in and just tell them the better way. 

But not everyone learns the same way. And not every way is right or wrong.

Years ago I had a colleague who was a self-proclaimed slower learner. He spent time digesting things at a deeper level, across a broad swathe of knowledge, and over time developed enough of an understanding of a subject to finally step out of the weeds and feel ownership. 

When he’d grasped enough of a topic I could be certain that he’d thought through nearly every aspect and understood it deeply. I then trusted him and often came to him for help on those topics. 

But on new topics, when we’d have to dive into something quickly and absorb it and see how it might apply to us without a lot of thought, he’d often come to me and ask for my gut check on something.

The balance then, of someone who likes deep and thorough learning, contrasted with another who may prefer shallow and quick learning, helped teach me that people have different styles of learning. And it’s not even the same per person. In some subjects I love to go deep, in others I want to learn just enough to be proficient. 

In Alchemy, Rory calls this satisficing vs maximizing. Learn where you need to pickup just enough information or should explore deeply. Understanding which of these two fits a given situation is a helpful key in navigating through all the unlimited data thrown on us every day. 

So coming back to helping. When we’re looking to give someone a guiding hand, it’s important to understand how they learn. 

Once I took a ukulele lesson. It was a group lesson, and the instructor understood the topic at hand and was doing a great job of helping novices improve their skills. During the course of the lesson several of my fellow classmates were able to jump forward in their understanding. 

For myself, though, nothing was coming through. The instructor was patient with me and, to the extent possible in a classroom setting, spent time explaining the basics. But it wasn’t basic enough. 

I’d strummed cords for years on guitar; just for fun. But only knew a handful of cords and could never get the rhythm lined up enough to play anything meanigful. 

At this class I was hoping to take the leap from cords to rhythm. But the teacher started asking questions and explaining concepts that were completely foreign to me. My understanding was so basic that I didn’t know any of the musical terms, the definitions of music theory, or anything at all beyond where to place my fingers to make a pleasant sound.

At one point I realized my dilemma and backed out of the lesson as gracefully as possible. The gap between where I was and what he could offer given the constraints was too great. It was nothing on him at all, he did a fanstatic job with the class. But I couldn’t learn that way. 

In yesterday’s episode of Sharp Tech, Ben shared an example of teaching that resonated with me.

If you explain to someone how to make a smoothie, you might need to be more detailed on your steps depending on where they are at. If you’re helping out a kid, you might have to explain how to use a butter knife to scoop peanut butter out of the jar and show why that’s superior to using a spoon which is of course the messiest and worst way to extract substance from a jar. Having two young kids I’ve seen this first hand. When I write down a few tablespoons of peanut butter fro a recipe, there’s so much data involved in that.

A kid’s knowledge may be more limited, and it’s on me as the teacher to make sure I meet them where they’re at. 

Telling someone a thing doesn’t mean they heard it. 

Learning was hard for me growing up. I didn’t process things as easily as other kids, and often needed to sit with a subject for a while until it clicked. Even now in meetings with clients and colleagues I will write down what’s described, then look at what I’ve written before I’m able to understand it. I don’t process auditory as well as written when it comes to tasks I need to perform (unless it’s pre-recorded; then I’m fine, I can backup and re-listen). Knowing that about myself, and the struggle I had with basic concepts growing up, I try to remember patience with others I’m helping and to extend grace to make sure they learn something at the speed that makes sense for them. 

Sometimes a person just has to figure it out and sometimes they need a hand.