Everything all at once

Recently I chatted with a friend about how we manage all the things going on in our lives.

It’s funny. When I was in elementary school, homeschooled at that, I couldn’t imagine a time where things would get crazier. I had chores to get done, schoolwork to do, and they were getting in the way of the things that really mattered, playing games and running around outside.

A few of the chores I began to enjoy, to some extent. But most of them took an eternity, dragging on sometimes for minutes at a time. The clock—that weird thing that seemed to betray me and sit still when watched—stretched out forever.

In high school I had to juggle college classes, a part-time job, chores, social engagements, and having fun. That seemed to be the apex of chaos. Studying for a test was the hardest thing I’d ever do.

I tried to find tools to help me manage everything, but mostly jumped to the thing that screamed at me the most.

Then I started a business, and had clients counting on me, skills I needed to learn, projects that needed to be managed.

Later I got married, and suddenly my wife and I had to figure out what it meant to take care of a home, pay the bills, coordinate our lives, work, learn and study, handle social engagements, and also try to still have time for watching movies, playing games, and just enjoying life.

Then we had kids. It got crazier—in all the best ways.

Now, with a kid in middle school, and another in elementary school, my wife I and often feel that we have a lot going on. I also have a day job, things I tinker with on the side, and new skills I’m constantly trying to learn.

Throughout all this I’ve still had the same amount of time available to me each day. But forced constraints changed how I get things done. Out of necessity I just have to make decisions on  tasks and move forward. Perfection isn’t the same as shipping.

Procrastination still happens, probably on the daily. But it has less control over me than before. I have to move forward and just do things. The luxury of tinkering with a business idea for a year or two, all while the bills are covered by someone else—well frankly that’s not an option.

All that said, here’s a few ways I’ve found that help to control the chaos of everything happening al at once.

First, I recognize days spent working every waking hour are possible. It’s something I can do, and to my chagrin have done more than I’d wish in my lifetime. However, I walk into such situations with eyes open, knowing that a debt will be due the next day, week, or month.

A day burning all my energy is followed by a day where I’m exhausted. I give myself a lot of grace here. Being hard on myself and forcing the same output again only depletes the will to care, the desire to keep trying.

I can’t charge forward forever without some equally powerful pushback against me. Sickness will catch up, exhaustion seeps in, I grow crankier; not myself. And ultimately such a path can lead toward caring little about anything and flowing through life in a stupor, drained and empty.

So, I know that sometimes I’ll work too much, but I then force myself to work less later, to find ways to have breaks, spend time with my family, catch up on other things that aren’t directly tied to the career path I’ve chosen.

Second, forced time constraints work. If I have ten hours to accomplish a task I’m likely to spend the first eight researching and thinking and procrastinating. If, instead, I force myself to do finish the thing in an hour, things change. There’s no time to mess around, I have to make decisions and move forward. Less time to ponder and dither, more time shipping.

Pomodoros can work here. Set a timer for 25 minutes and dig in, zero interruptions. Then pop up at the end, stretch, take a break, and come back to it. They aren’t foolproof, but under extreme pressure they can help.

Sometimes the answer is to stop entirely. Take a walk, take a nap, move around, switch it up.

Finally, I’ve found systems that work for me. Each day I write the things I have to accomplish. These are 2-3 things. After that I put the bonus things. Things 3 is a fantastic app for thinking this way. Any bonus items are kicked into the evening for the day I’m on, so that I first pay attention to the most critical items. Then, during a break I’ll pickup bonus items.

This only works if my todo list is trustyworthy. It doesn’t have hopes and dreams on it, it has things I want to do and need to do. The hopes and dreams belong in Apple Notes.

Some days I cut off half my list and toss it to another day, or even delete items entirely; trusting that if they’re important enough they’ll come back around.

Beyond all this just be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazing. You’re surviving, figuring it out, doing the impossible. This stuff is not easy, and there’s no direct answer for everything. My methods keep shifting, but I also recognize that if my body is refusing to do a task there’s probably something behind why I’m scared to confront it. Maybe it requires a skill that feels insurmountable, maybe it’s a time slog because I don’t understand it. Frankly, spending some time thinking about why I’m afraid of something can help unblock it.