Experiencing physical conversations
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the chance to spend time in a number of great in-person conversations with real people. These have been dynamic, engaging discussions on all kinds of topics—with real humans in a physical space.
Yes, I get to do this on a daily basis with my wife and kids. I’m incredibly blessed in this regard, and probably have more in-person conversations than most. But, since the summer school break there’s just been more opportunity for us to hang out and connect. With family and friends around, and lots of social activities, it’s offered the chance to just sit and chat.
This extra time in person has given me space to think about the contrast between discussions that take place in the real world, mostly with an absense of screens, against discussions over Zoom; or even conversations done asyncronously via voice, chat, or podcast.
In person there’s an awareness of more dimensional factors, such as the physical space we inhabit, the social norms of eye contact, seating arangement, what we’re doing with our hands if we’re not eating, whether we ate onions and need to quickly down a mint, and many other wonderful odities.
Online much of that is unnecessary.
You don’t even have to wear pants to a Zoom call after all1. The voice, and maybe a screenshare, are all we really need. Yes there’s video. But to be frank, it sucks. It’s blurry, poorly lit, and most of us don't have the setup for high quality webcams. We spend far less time examining body language and facial expression, and more time on capturing the content of the spoken word.
On a video call you’re also limited to just a tiny rectangle of your world and theirs. It doesn’t feel holistic, even though it’s very much real and it’s really part of our lives.
In-person conversations contain a power of connection that cannot be achieved online alone.
That’s not to say online relationships aren’t real. They are.
On a trip to Canada I finally got to meet a friend in person I’d known online for half a decade. We’d worked alongside each other, discussed family issues, solved countless problems together, and lived alongside each others lives in a work context mixed with personal time. Our connection was genuine. Getting to meet in person was a bonus.2
But there’s just something unique about sitting around chairs together beside a beach, or taking a walk along a river, and getting to be in the same pyscal space, inhabiting mutual air, and discussing important and trivial matters without worring about lagging mics, choppy video quality, or disconnected wifi.
In one recent conversation we sat in our Tommy Bahama chairs, wearing flip flops, constantly adjusting clothing layers or water intake for weather (and constantly discussing the change in temperature) as we discussed future dreams, current realities, and used the space around us to feel the world in a tactile, physical, large, way.
With so much of my life existing behind these magical rectanglular glass screens, it’s a joy to get away every now and then and just live absent those connected devices.
The types of conversations that can be experienced are less hurried, less to the point and requiring purpose, and more circuitous as we dance across topics.
The more I spend in such conversations, the more I want to find ways to shape my life to dive in deeper.
1. For the record I’ve never done that, just stating that clearly for any future questions. I have attended innumerable video calls with sweatpants; the clothing item of choice for all meetings over the past decade.
2. It always surprises me to see the height differences between people after talking online for years on end. I’m a little taller than most people expect, hovering between 6’1 and 6’2, and because of the height of the average person there’s a chance I’ll be taller when we meet. The few times I haven’t been have been delightfully unexpected.