Just being understood

That's one of the biggest things missing in our discourse today——understanding. When we get into disagreements, opposing views, straw man arguments, and the like; so much of our frustration comes from not feeling like the person sitting across from us is taking the time to truly get it, to see our point of view, to try and consider why we're holding a certain position.

Many, well meaning people, leave a discourse feeling further apart, and with their guards up.

Now, there are some proclaimed views that I think are not held genuinely, used out of malice, and intentionally setup to deceive——those aren't ones that I'm particularly interested in trying to unravel or support. But there are many others, rather different from my own, that I do want to seek to get into the emphatic perspective and experience of why someone might feel that way.

And, even with the malicious intent type perspectives; I want the people holding them to know that I care for them; apart from the views that are hurtful.

With the other perspectives, the ones different but well intentioned, I want to hear.

It doesn't mean I'll agree, but it leaves open the chance that I'll come away appreciating that other person for the human they are, for the thing they offer, for how special the world is for them having been in it.

I've had moments of understanding, appreciation, coming together and arguing; and being thankful for the person on the other side, knowing we both care, and that our respect for each other matters more than being right points. I appreciate my friends who I've had long and heated debates with, coming away with no closer resolution on the matter than before we started.

Those moments are great, because of the possibility of human connection, not necessarily where the conversation goes.

And I've had moments where someone else helped to change my mind, through kindness and listening, challenging and trying to see what I'm thinking——and ultimately a change came about because I realized that they cared for me more than their view.

I want to do more of that, to be more of that, to be there for others regardless of their views, but merely for them; and in the doing of that help them see that what they think isn't tied to my caring for them.

It's hard to do.

I've met many who are better at it than me, but it's something I'm working toward, and appreciating the examples of others before me.

There were so many times in my younger years (no I'm not that old, but I feel it) where I just wanted to be heard, to have my voice understood; not because I needed to be right, but because I needed to be more than passing noise. And people listened, less because of the value of my words but because the value they showed in caring for me.

My views, looking back now, were flat out wrong and ignorant in some areas. They came from a place of not knowing, of bias. But, they also came from a place of genuinely seeking to figure out what I believed, of thinking those believes were right; and never intended in a way to hurt others. I'm thankful for those who had the patience to show they cared, to agree on a common view of caring for me, while calling out the areas where they disagreed.

Because people did that for me, I want to make sure I can do it for others. Not so I can magically change people to my way of being (how would I even know I'm right at this point, and that's kind of the point), but because it shows a kindness and respect for humanity, appreciating someone for who they are and not what they have to offer.

This delves into areas of politics, religion, sports, tech, and a million other things. We have such strong positions, and many of us believe they're for the better of society as a result. We can't all be right, but we can all be loved. And in so doing, in so loving, I hope it leaves open the possibility for healing, of connecting, of coming together and leaving space to help those who need it most.

In America it's time to vote. Far less relevant, of course, for my readers outside of this country. But when you vote, as you vote, just consider that your perspective of being right might matter less than the perspective doing the loving thing for others.