You shouldn't read this

Don't make me do it

I struggle with being told I must do something.

It's part of me, part of who I am, and something I have to constantly fight against.

Most people don't love having someone make demands of them, but for some people it's a problem.

I might be open to doing something, but the moment you tell me I have to—well all bets are off. Especially if you've made it clear that my opinion on the matter isn't wanted.

Granted, that's a weird thing I have to deal with, and I do. It's a me problem.

I constantly employ tricks to get my brain to override its natural tendency to shut down the moment a demand comes in from an external source.

The funny thing though?

If you ask me, while giving a true out, I'm quite likely to be interested. It then becomes my choice, it's in my hands.

I won't make you either

The reverse is true as well.

I don't like to tell people what to do. It's a last resort, it's something I turn to when I'm out of options. And even then I feel bad afterward.¹

In general, I ask people, offer options, lay out ideas, and leave the table open to let the other person decide how they want to proceed.

That doesn't mean I'm a neutral observer.

I don't mind making my case for something, encouraging one direction or another. But ultimately I do everything I can to allow the other party the freedom to choose.

Not everyone thinks this way. And that's caused quite a few clashes over the years.

Frankly, I'm far more interested in a world where people make choices based on informed options, and have the true freedom to act as they will—with natural or occasionally artificial consequences to protect the rest of us.

One plants, another waters

So this comes to an idea I've been kicking around for a while.

It's going to sound like a stretch at first, but bear with me.

There's a verse in the Bible, where the author describes sharing the love of Jesus with other people.

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow. It's not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-8 The Message.

I think about this passage often.

Paul, the author, was someone who dedicated his life to sharing about the love of Jesus. He traveled his part of the world, city to city, preaching and living with early Christians.

From our perspective he was in large part responsible for the growth of the early church.

And yet, he didn't claim credit for the results.

Apollos, another early Christian preacher, was doing the same; traveling, sharing, spreading the gospel of Christ.

But, at the end of the day, the choice for an individual choosing to follow wasn't a result of Paul or Apollos—instead it was just that, their choice.

Neither famous preacher could, or should, take the credit.

You shouldn't read this

I'll use a silly example.

Say I recommend a book to read. I'm not going to make you read it. I think that's anathema to the spirit of freedom and learning.²

But, if I suggest it, encourage it, and it's ultimately your choice—the moment you pick it up (and that's a massive if, it's up to you after all), it becomes yours. It's not me who made you. I planted the idea, you decided whether it was worth pursuing.

That's just a far more interesting life. One where we're encouraged, supported, but not forced, to do things.

Now, I understand we live in a society with good and bad, that laws and requirements are needed. But within non government organizations (and relationships in general) I think there's a lot more potential freedom than we're willing to admit.

Lay the groundwork, share ideas, and see what happens. You just might be surprised.

1. This has had a funny effect on kid raising. I'm trying to find the balance with seeing how our adults-to-be can of their own will do the dishes, versus me requiring it. Still trying to figure this one out.
2. When I was a teenager this older woman made me promise, on the spot, that I'd read a certain religious book. I felt trapped, so I said yes. 20 years later and I haven't read the book. I think I'll got another 20 before doing so, just because of how it was thrown on me.