Giving kindness

My favorite people think of others, give selflessly, and speak truth when it matters.

Many people have these traits, but not all.

Each day I try to edge a little closer in the direction of people I admire.

Our backgrounds shape who we are. We didn’t get to decide how we’d grow up. It wasn’t on us to determine the place of our birth. But despite that, each day we choose to move a little closer toward selflessness.

It doesn’t come naturally for me. But little by little I’ve seen it in others and tried to emulate it myself.

Siblings, spouses, children, colleagues, parents, friends, acquaintances, and even enemies; each of these have taught me what it means to be human and what it means to give up a little bit of myself for someone else.

I’m not talking about losing yourself. Having identity matters. Finding space to be yourself and know the edges of where you stop and someone else starts matters. We can’t truly know how to be there for someone else until we know ourselves.

What I’m talking about is pausing and thinking about how someone else might feel in the moment. Did the driver next to you flip you off and swerve into your lane? That’s objectively a bad thing, but you can still empathize with their (wrong) decisions and see their humanity.

A while back I was driving through a residential street. I may have gone a little over the speed limit. A residents pulled out of their driveway, floored passed me, slammed on their breaks, and pulled up alonside me, letting out a string of profanities and specific gestures. They made like they were going to get out of their car, with rage building and the verbal tirade building. In that moment I had a decision to make. I could engage, or I could see them for another human.

I apologized. I said I was sorry for going fast, and said it with earnestness.

The driver was taken aback. He paused for a moment unsure of how to proceed. He then mumbled to be sure I didn’t do that again and peeled away.

I’ve thought about that moment often.

In that moment I’d likely made an error, driving faster than I should have. But his response had been far more erratic driving, and a posture that threatened real danger to me and those around me.

I’m thankful that things went the way they did, while recognizing it could easily have gone another way.

Bottom line, I’m trying to look for chances to see the humanity in others, give where I can, and find myself in the midst of all the chaos of life.